Disclaimer: This blog post is intended for mature audiences only.
So there I was. Home alone. Snooping around looking for where my parents had hid my Christmas presents. And then I found it. My father’s porn magazine stash. A big drawer in the side of my parents bed, chock full of intensely graphic images. At 10 years old, my first exposure to the adult female and male bodies. I was drawn to the images of the naked human body. A woman’s smooth perfect breasts and of course the lower half as well. And the perfect male body – six pack and erect penis. Often times the two bodies would meet. I tried to put them away, and leave them there, but I was already addicted.
Several weeks went by, and I would sneak a glance frequently, not even caring about those Christmas presents anymore. Obsessed with the images I was looking at. Then I started to take some out of the drawer and keep them in my room. I would hide them behind my bed. One day my mom was helping me clean and decided to clean behind my bed. Busted. But did she do anything? Not really. She told my dad. Neither of them really cared that this had happened, only told me to stop doing it. Of course this didn’t help.
And then sometime when I was 11, I had a friend over, and we were by ourselves, and I had him hang on a minute in my room, while I went to grab a couple of the magazines. This wasn’t his first exposure. But behind the closed door of my room and my closet, we looked at them. And we both started to feel things. One thing led to another, and before I knew what was happened we were touching each other.
Oh boy was it exciting! He went home, and then the next time he was over we did it again, only we went further. And then we repeated it. And again, further. One of us would roleplay the female, and copy to the best of our young abilities what was happening in the magazines. Eventually, we didn’t need the magazines.
As time went on, I developed quite a liking for men. I still liked the look of the female body, but men is what did it for me. I was gay. Even after I went to TEC, and got ‘saved’ and became a Jesus freak. Still a homosexual. Still loved by God. Still forgiven from all sin.
By the time I exited high school and entered college I had many different hookups. After I moved to Mankato, that number increased almost exponentially (at least in comparison to what I had in a small town). I loved sex with men, I never got too emotionally attached as that was not the type of guy I was meeting, though there were some I almost entered into a relationship with.
On May 19th of this year (2012) I will be getting married. To the most wonderful and beautiful woman on the face of this planet. Woah! What happened in the last few years? Well that answer is simple. I CHOSE to be straight. Contrary to popular belief in today’s culture and society, homosexuality is a choice. Recently I started seeing a picture of Jon Stewart floating around Facebook with the following quote on it: “Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality. And the protections that we have for religion — we protect religion. And talk about a lifestyle choice — that is absolutely a choice. Gay people don’t choose to be gay. At what age did you choose to not be gay?” Well Mr. Stewart, I have an answer for you. Age 21.
At 21 years of age I made a conscious choice to be straight. I didn’t have sex with a woman to make this choice, either. To this day I am still a virgin when it comes to females (not to say I’m a virgin period, because I’m not). God has certainly helped me with this choice. If I didn’t have Jesus would I have still made this decision? I cannot say for certain. What I do know having lived the homosexual lifestyle, is that God does love us right where we are at, homosexual or not. I will never dispute that God is madly in love with homosexuals as much as He is in love with the saints (not to say that all straight people or even all ‘Christians’ are saints). But love does not necessarily equal universal acceptance. Homosexuality is sin. Along with many others. But lets not try and say it isn’t because the bible is old fashioned or the old testament doesn’t apply, or the plethora of other reasons people give. God forgives us for our sins through the finished work of Jesus on the cross and rising from the grave. But God cannot excuse our sin, nor does He cover it up. Each time we sin – ANY SIN – we have participated in nailing Jesus to the cross. Because of this, God is able to infinitely love us and remember our sin no more. But we must stay in repentance. Or we will inevitably fall out of love with Jesus, if we ever were in the first place.
Do I hate homosexuals? No. I have several homosexual friends. My future mother in law is a homosexual, and I love her. Do I have to accept and like her choices? No. But it is her CHOICE, and I love her.
Homosexuality is a sin. All sin happens because of the choices we as humans make. Thus, and my life is a living testimony of this fact, homosexuality is a choice.
In conclusion, this blog post is not meant to bash anyone, and I don’t believe I have done that. I welcome questions and comments, please keep them appropriate and free from hate. I will answer all questions to the best of my ability, and I will also probably blog about this more, depending on your response.